Re: The grinding tedium of enforced companionship

From:
Date: 05 Sep 2006
Time: 11:58:51 -0000
Remote Name: Justine
Oh God, don't remind me, up at Broseley Social Club. Acres of sweaty white flash packed into unsuitable clothing and a pair of male singers making nasty cracks about the women in the audience. One of them caught my eye at one point but I think he decided not to risk it! It was rammed with all the guest plus loads of onlookers who were just in the club (not even a private party) and full of drunken yobs. I managed one drink and then realised E was having a ball so I got Darren to bring her back and snuck off to the Ball. Ended up going to bed as Darren did not get her back until gone 1 am!! Yes, I am looking forward to the photos too, I can tell you E is the best looking member of that family, and boy is satin an unforgiving fabric! xx
   

Re: Pigs In Lipstick

From: Lorne
Date: 05 Sep 2006
Time: 12:54:04 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

It wouldn't matter if the beer was cheap, it would have to be. This is no word of a lie, I think I would rather die than be in a life like that. It would be like a living death, Broseley Social Club for your wedding - Posh and Becks eat your heart out. I bet she had to have her dress taken out. I bet the speeches were an absolute treat as well. xx

Re: Pigs In Lipstick

From: Justine
Date: 05 Sep 2006
Time: 13:03:02 -0000
Remote Name: Justine
Just timed out my reply so have to type it again! I was comparing the bride to one of the larger yachts at St Katherines Dock as her dad swept her round the floor weeping ( kid you not!) Apparently ealrier in the day he had been unable to touch her upon first catching sight of her as "she was too beautiful" at which point everyone in the room was filling up (sick bags) Sorry I am laughing just thinking about it Thank god it is over! xx

Re: Pigs In Lipstick

From: Lorne
Date: 05 Sep 2006
Time: 13:09:54 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne
It gets better! You can't write comedy like that. They should definitely have been on the BBC's Wedding Stories with this one. She sounds like the bride that made Dan gag twice when she lifted up her skirt on her hen night to reveal massive cellulite ridden thighs and a pink fluffy thong. She was just 16 and was about 20 stone. I really can't wait to see how beautiful she really was. Some woman came tottering over to my hair dresser last week (interrupting her whilst she was doing my colour) to shove a wad of digital photo printoff-s of her daughter's wedding into her hands saying that "these are better than the professional photographer took". And let me tell you, if that's the case then I would be suing the guy. Another lack lustre set of wedding photos in half light with a very ordinary bride (and dress) flagged up to be of some worth by an over enthusiatic mother. Me and stephen always said we should wed in order to show everyone how it's supposed to be done! xx

And another thing

From: Lorne
Date: 05 Sep 2006
Time: 14:20:24 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Have to pop out shortly, don't know if I will be back but forgot to say that furthering my belief that I do have "insult me please" tatooed on to my forehead in invisible ink only bastards can read, my hairdresser last week basically told me that I should have a side parting to help disguise my big nose! Anyway, after a week of it I have had enough! It's going back in the middle tomorrow - if it's good enough for SJP and her big hooter then it's good enough for me!! xx

Re: And another thing

From: Justine
Date: 05 Sep 2006
Time: 14:27:20 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

You need to perfect the Paddington Bear hard stare as demonstrated by Eleanor. I cannot ever see anyone telling her how to wear her hair! Your nose is part of your character, you have a very classy face, good bones xx

Re: Terence Stamp

From: Justine
Date: 07 Sep 2006
Time: 11:34:38 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Whatever happened to Terence Stamp? No matter, just been and bought a load of stamps and have tried to get soem technical assistance on the phone but the machine appears not to have a serial number! And then my computer crashed, and then my stapler broke! I am a walking disaster area, not what you want in a maid of honour. And still no word from the bride xx

Here comes the bride, big fat and wide - sorry that was last week

From: Lorne
Date: 07 Sep 2006
Time: 11:44:42 -0000
Remote Name: user-Lorne

It's almost as if she isn't taking this whole thing seriously. Maybe if she thinks about it for too long she gets agitated - a bit like me and running. So i suppose you will nbe getting ready and just turning up then? Like I did at Nick's wedding, no girlie sessions being pampered there. Mind you, it was all I could do to turn up for the dress fitting. I remember the first memorable fitting when I was so hungover i had been sick and had Irn Bru in my hair after the hangover cure had exploded in my face as I was trying to drive to the bridal shop. When you are in the reg office think of Pauline Calf's mom and her "chucked it down all day, vicar tried to put his hand up my skirt, salty gammon, happiest day of my life". xx

Re: Here comes the bride, big fat and wide - sorry that was last ...

From: Justine
Date: 07 Sep 2006
Time: 12:07:33 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Just having a look at the Latin phrases on Wikipedia trying to find a motto for blowchunks, so far I have:

in vino veritas - in wine truth malum in se - wrong in itslef haec olim meminisse iuvabit - one day this will be pleasing to remember ni admirari - be surprised at nothing nunc est bibendum - now is the time to drink quidnunc - what now? also slang for a busybody/gossip calix meus inebrias - my cup makes me drunk cacoethes scribendi - bad habit of writing

I shall be getting ready at G's house as I am not driving over looking like a dogs dinner and in heels. Get up have a bath, pluck my beard, shave my legs and hit the road with wet hair. xx

Re: Here comes the bride, big fat and wide - sorry that was l...

From: Lorne
Date: 07 Sep 2006
Time: 12:27:47 -0000
Remote Name: user-Lorne

I got ready at home where i had all the emergency equipment to hand! I figured Nick would be fussing enough at mom and dads so i would do it all beforehand. when i got there she was caked in make up and having a go at mom because mom had come down with a terrible cold over night. why do people bother? xx

Re: Here comes the bride, big fat and wide - sorry that was l...

From: Justine
Date: 07 Sep 2006
Time: 12:55:55 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

It beats me why anyone would put themselves through being stared at and photographed all day, sounds like a nightmare to me. The only way I would have that done is at one of those studio sessions with the soft focus. A friend of Darren's had one and she looked fantastic, though in real life is more akin to a French Bulldog!

Champagne is my current motivation, though not too much, worst hangover i ever had, everything I drank made me sick but I had a raging thirst, nightmare!

Not going to be caked in makeup just caked in fake tan xx

as you. Although it is too easy to stay in ( like Deb T who I have not heard from since July!) it is worth making the effort. Me and Kev make a concerted effort not to go to the Ball now and get dressed up and go to other places. It makes a big difference when you actually have to sit down and have a conversation with someone and are not just slumped in front of the telly, plus I like to get dressed up nicely, it makes you feel good about yourself, and you can't even get dressed up nicely for work can you? We will have a proper night out, it may be Ironbridge but smart dress required, there is also talk of a group night out in Bridgnorth (!) which should be fun xx

Re: Salty Gammon

From: Lorne
Date: 07 Sep 2006
Time: 13:54:34 -0000
Remote Name: user-Lorne

It's the opportunity I need, never mind the effort! Stephen says he'll take me out when he has some time off soon, as long as I don't cme over as a fag hag at least that's something! I may get to wear my black shoes for that one, although I only to got to wear my red shoes three times and one of those was in the pub with maggie for a diet coke! I'm still wating for an invite to the golf club to come right but it never seems to, I swear he is ashamed to be seen with me. x

Re: Salty Gammon

From: Justine
Date: 07 Sep 2006
Time: 14:21:58 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

It's more I think that he would be overshadowed by you in company, and would not be the centre of attention, a bit like Dai used to get with me. Funnily enough me and Kev were out the other night and he said to me, out of the blue, I don't like feeling jealous, and I said jealous of what? so we got into this discussion thta he gets jealous when other people talk to me and flirt with me etc, especially when we were in Amsterdam when we were in this cafe and Kev was at the bar, some guy walked past, clocked me, did a double take then turned round came into the bar, sat at the table next to us and swung his chair round then sat there staring at me. I thought Kev had missed it all but after about 20 minutes this guy left, and Kev said Did I miss something? We ended up laughing aboput it, then blow me the next day we are in another bar and this bloke comes over and stands between me and Kev and starts chatting me up! Blatant they are, or possibly stoned! Anyway the point I am making is Dan keeps you tucked away to make himself feel secure, if you were confident in yourself you would realise how attractive you are and Dan knows it but maybe does not want you to know it - if that makes sense x

Re: Salty Gammon

From: Lorne
Date: 07 Sep 2006
Time: 14:35:48 -0000
Remote Name: user-Lorne

It's not as if anyone but him is going to talk to me though! He is alright when we do manage to go out, no blokes talk to me when I go out anyway. I don't know what it is, I've never been someone who is the centre of attention. I don't know what it is but it's boring! x

Could not find my ego with both hands

From: Justine
Date: 07 Sep 2006
Time: 14:54:21 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

it is all a matter of perception, I have never introduced you to anyone who was not impressed by your wit and repartee, and many more who had the major hots for you. If you want to go out then insist, there is plenty of time for sitting in wearing your big slipper and clown pants xx

Jamaica...no she wanted to go

From: Justine
Date: 11 Sep 2006
Time: 08:54:40 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

So that is the hurly burly over with, and very nice it was too. I shall save the finer points for Saturday but here are the edited highlights, riding in a stretch limo that smelt of the 70's, the groom closing his eyes during the vows, the bride saying "Can I phone a friend?" at the blessing, Charles making a drunken rambling speech, Brian going to the pub to watch the football and saying to the barmaid, Louise? That's a funny name for a paki!, stealing booze for the coach trip home, Dave T kicking off in the chip shop when other people kept getting served first, Kev dropping a can of guiness that exploded in the minibus, the relief at getting out of my support underwear xx

Re: Jamaica...no she wanted to go

From: Lorne
Date: 11 Sep 2006
Time: 10:48:05 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

I am quite delicate again this Monday morning so bear with me. Sunday night's are killing me at the moment with double episodes of Prison Break and lots of wine, I don't get to bed until late and very very drunk. And happy it has to be said. I am still drunk now and shaking like a leaf! Well, I have to say the place had the air of a funeral about it when I got there! The last time I saw flowers on a door like that was when Bonnie died in Gone with the Wind. Geraldine seemed pissed off and deflated - mind you the pasta looked nice! And you looked lovely as well. I think Eleanor thought she had been collected by the wrong Aunty Lorne as I was in full on cynical mode and gave the poor girl my views on insects (hate them all including butterflies and ladybirds, which she found astonishing), weddings - as she said so elonquently in the garden - hate them, boys - nasty and dirty and cheeky and not much better as they grow up, slow drivers, morons who can't park, horrible Charles getting married and the real reason why daddy long legs only live for about a day. xx

Re: Jamaica...no she wanted to go

From: Justine
Date: 11 Sep 2006
Time: 11:07:49 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Funny old day all in all. Elenaor did not mention her trip over, but I am sure the details will leak out! Sorry you are feeling fragile, I am usually too hung over from Saturday night to get any down me on a Sunday, and as last nights main offering on terrestrial was the Full Monty I went to bed and had a long and complicated dream about Dermott O'Leary! Cannot believe how fast this mornign has gone, however my in tray is nearly empty so I shall persevere. Bought a nice brown monsoon shirt dress on e bay for 18. Really must stop bidding on stuff it is becoming an addiction, epsecially when I was actuially looking for a pair of boots! xx

Hungover Clothes Shopping

From: Lorne
Date: 11 Sep 2006
Time: 11:25:46 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

I shall be passing by Next later to look at shoes and bags - there is nothing like shopping when hungover. I can't stand many more of these Mondays though, it's the last episode of PB next week so I shall be back to some sort of normality on a Monday after that. Dan will be relieved as well, he's never known me fancy anyone on TV or films before and was a bit taken aback after asking me if I would shag WM and getting an emphatic yes in reply. Speaking of intense and unhealthy crushes I spoke to the physio today who said I can go running on Wednesday - so I am off out tonight. I'm not waiting anymore! I'm going for it. xx

Man with a plan

From: Lorne
Date: 11 Sep 2006
Time: 13:45:29 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

So what is the plan for Saturday? Eleanor seemed pleased I was coming to see the panto. She looked so cute in her face paint, sitting in the car rubbing her eyes. Although one of the moms, when she heard I was taking Eleanor to a wedding said "she's covered in face paint, mind you it's water based so it will wash off easily". I don't think she knew what to make of me when I said that I didn't care if it wasn't because it wasn't my wedding! I think they were glad when I left! Are we staying in or going out? x

From: Lorne
Date: 11 Sep 2006
Time: 15:00:56 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Well, another classic conversation here at Jay Gee where Doug Richards has returned from his holiday in Benidorm. Here are a few of the highlights of the conversation - not the holiday of which there appear to be few.

Too many Spanish people - "hotel was Spanish, I wanted an English hotel". Food was Spanish - "we like normal food, the kids will only eat beans, we had to smuggle some beans in and heat them up in the microwave in the dining room without being seen. Trace (of course that's the name of Mrs Richards) wouldn't come in with us". Spanish people in the hotel were speaking Spanish - "they can't talk they just go nak nak nak nak nak nak nak nak". There was nothing to do "we walked for miles and went in all the shops. There was water sports but we don't like them. The kids were bored, the 15 year old got drunk twice on Vodka and the 18 year old couldn't get served". The hotel was up a hill. The eldest lad had a British Bulldog tattoo and "Trace had Betty Boop on her arm". "Everyone, woman and man, were staring at Trace's tits, I told her it was because her top was too low cut. I told her to go and get a t shirt printed with "it will cost you 5 to look at my tits and you've just spent a tenner" I tell you, you can't make this shit up! xx

Web site

From: Lorne
Date: 14 Sep 2006
Time: 10:58:27 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

I shall be off shortly to have luncheon with my mama - I shall do my utmost to behave and be in a good mood and post my experiences on the website if they are suitable - it's actually unusual for me to have come this far through the day with no insults.

I was in a right old narrow miss last night in the car, remind me to tell you about it - four other cars were damaged and I managed to get away with it, and of course i did the decent thing and floored it out of there afterwards as well. x

Back

From: Lorne
Date: 14 Sep 2006
Time: 13:02:36 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

It's 2.00pm and still no insults, what's going on? Had a nice bite to eat and chat. I managed not to be a grumpy arse. x

Re: Back

From: Justine
Date: 14 Sep 2006
Time: 13:20:29 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

So what happened with your near miss? Funnily enough I saw one this morning too but was not involved xx

Little Miss Near Miss

From: Lorne
Date: 14 Sep 2006
Time: 13:30:22 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

I was coming off a roundabout in the left hand lane going fairly fast when I encountered a car with its hazards on just in front of me. In front of that car was another and they had suffered a shunt. I had enough time to brake OK so I started to brake and indicate right in order to warn the driver behind me there was an obstruction and to warn the driver behind the C class merc next to me in the right hand lane that when he had passed I would need to pull out. However, the driver of the C class merc next to me decided that instead of carrying on past me he would slam his brakes on as if I was about to cut him up (which i wasn't). Unfortunately for him a Golf came screaming around the corner in the left hand lane, saw me and went straight over into the right hand lane, smashing into the C class. I was thus sandwiched between the two accidents and floored it and got out of there! x

Re: Little Miss Near Miss

From: Justine
Date: 14 Sep 2006
Time: 13:38:52 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Blimey, bet that was exciting! And lucky! The thing is people do not know how to react ina bad situation cos I reckon most of the time they are not concentrating and/or anticipating. This car rocketed onto the island this morning obviously trying to get on and go straight over before I got round but had not realised the car in front of me was dawdling round and nearly took his back end out, and it was pissing down, so not much chance of any of us stopping. Man, of course. xx

Wentworth

From: Mrs Miller
Date: 18 Sep 2006
Time: 13:17:33 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

in much the same vein as Jackson being a pseudonym for something else, I have decided Wentworth is the new word for doing the bad thing! xx

Re: Wentworth

From: Lorne`
Date: 18 Sep 2006
Time: 13:22:03 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

I am just in, not too much Wentworth last night - that would be impossible anyway - U have been wasting even more time at the hospital to be told that now I'm off to see a metabolic physician - what a load of BOLLOCKS!! I am so angry i couldn't talk for an hour. Unfortunately for the physio he actually remembered i was going and rang to see how i got on. I bnet he wished he hadn't now. x

Wentworth Miller? I'd be lucky to get Windy Miller

From: Lorne
Date: 18 Sep 2006
Time: 13:24:30 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

As you can tell from the very poorly typed message I have just sent, I'm still very angry! x

Re: Wentworth Miller? I'd be lucky to get Windy Miller

From: Justine
Date: 18 Sep 2006
Time: 13:50:23 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

So no brain scan after all that? And what the freakin hell is a metabolic physician. They are giving you the runaround surely with all this bollocks - is it cos you are paying, or what? Not surprised you are angry, it truly has gone from the sublime to the ridiculous xx p.s Windy Miller, very good

Metabolic bollocks

From: The New Mrs Miller
Date: 18 Sep 2006
Time: 13:52:53 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

I am not paying now, today was a free waste of my time for a change. I have demanded a brain scan. I will have to wait to tell you all about it - the crap I heard today is too much to type in. Maybe we can have a friday night get together? x

Sorry

From: Lorne Miller
Date: 18 Sep 2006
Time: 13:56:19 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Sorry, that should have read Metabollocks! I remembered that ange's reaction to me telling her that I cooked two different meals for me and Dan, she seemed disgusted that I would betray the sisterhood or something! I really laid on thick then saying I did because I loved him so much and all the blokes then thought blimey! x

Re: Sorry

From: Mrs Winstone
Date: 18 Sep 2006
Time: 14:32:58 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

That's exactly the kind of stuff I say to wind her up! It's a lot of fun, non? Metabollox remidns me of the Larson cartoon entiled Punk Porcupines, and he was kicking himself cos someone pointed out it should be called punkupines xx

What are the chances? More than unlikely

From: Lorne
Date: 19 Sep 2006
Time: 11:05:46 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Don't people cope with things in such different ways. As we have seen with a two week 'honeymoon' at home for a woman who has just had 6 weeks off and works only two hours a week. The best person for me to unwind with is you, so that makes it all the more difficult to get away for any length of time! If we go away I know we'll just laugh all the time, a proper way to unwind. I was out this morning in the dark - as usual - and I was mulling over how I had gone from training in the dark for a marathon to training in the dark again and had missed all the summer. Then I though about my one summer race - in Sunderland!! The sun couldn't even come out for that one! And we still had a good laugh - bathrooms not withstanding! xx

Re: What are the chances? More than unlikely

From: Justine
Date: 19 Sep 2006
Time: 11:29:20 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

When we pack E off to the Sylvia Evans School of Drama Queens we will book ourselves a proper holiday. I would love 2 weeks away, no kids, lots of sunshine and wine and nothing to do all day. Cannot remember the last time I had a holiday like that, when I went to Spain with J probably and that was about 14 years ago!! Not too long until Paris though just 45 days til we shall be drinking vino on the banks of the Seine in unsuitable shoes xx

Re: What are the chances? More than unlikely

From: Lorne
Date: 19 Sep 2006
Time: 11:55:32 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne
 

And I can't wait! Must book the car park at Waterloo and settle the congestion charge. I was saying to Dan a few weeks ago that I was sick of having bad luck and asked him when the last piece of good luck I had was. He said "London went well" to which I replied that "is that it then? my luck is so bad now that I am to be grateful when things don't go wrong! I had booked the hotel well in advance, booked the Buckingham Palace tickets in advance, sorted out the car park, drove there, dropped dan off at the hotel, drove to the car park by Westminster Abbey, walked back down the Mall to get the Palace tickets, then went to the hotel to find Dan had "unpacked" - i.e. threw my stuff on a chair apart from two pairs of trousers! And I paid for all of this! But still, I'm SOOOO gratefuL !! Rant over with, time to reward myself with a peak on t'internet at what's hapenning on last nights' new episode in the new season of Prison Break in the US! Lots of lovely pictures of Wentworthxx

the day job

From: Justine
Date: 19 Sep 2006
Time: 12:47:06 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Have someone coming soon, meant to be here at half one, and we are doing some work on the interminable database. Yes, curses to the no hen night, and no sign of anything like before Paris. me and Kev have been invited to a party in the Ball for someone's 50th (Penny's boyfriend?) but we are part of a very select few apparently. The notices are up for NY Eve, fancy dress as a film star, any thoughts? I rather fancy going as a nun xx

Re: the day job

From: Lorne
Date: 19 Sep 2006
Time: 12:55:20 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Well, we know what that woman in the car park in Stirchley will be going as, good old Hagrid! A fancy dress NYE - it'll be a disaster! x

Hello Daaaave!

From: Justine
Date: 19 Sep 2006
Time: 14:20:42 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

That's my outfit sorted for NYE then! Papa Lazarou it is. My dad called yesterday to tell me my uncle was seriosly ill in hospital, he collapsed and they discovered part of his bowel was dead and it was making his kidneys pack in, so we had this very sad and serious discussion and then my dad goes, me and your mum have been laughing all weekend about L's comment on E's makeup and going helloooo daaave! xx

Stalking

From: Lorne
Date: 21 Sep 2006
Time: 13:30:26 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Whilst I was at the physios downloading and uploading stuff onto his computer up popped a picture of wentworth miller i had accidentally saved to his web folder instead of the BC webfolder on our old homepage, I don't think he bought it that it was a picture of Dan! x

Look whose stalking

From: Justine
Date: 21 Sep 2006
Time: 13:40:58 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Did you have a nice time then? I bet you still dressed up nicely even though he is old news now old Wenty's in the frame. Did you hear about Richard Hammond having that crash, poor bugger xx

These boots were made for stalking

From: Lorne
Date: 21 Sep 2006
Time: 13:48:53 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Actually I am not as nicely dressed as I was yesterday. His wife actually went out! She wouldn't have done that had she known who was in the house! It was a very nice morning actually, got it all done and a couple of cups of coffee. Although i was being sarcastic at one point when he wanted to put in that he had treated Horse Jockeys, I said "what other kinds of jockeys are there? Disc Jockeys?"

How about next Friday night for the tap? xx

House of Biscuits

From: Mr Garibaldi
Date: 22 Sep 2006
Time: 10:10:19 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

The house of biscuits has been on my mind for some reason, was it on the drive back from Wales where we saw the man sweeping and hosing the drive and were laughing about the Mary Whitehouse Experience...he must be an excellent plumber, I can hear my wife shouting "Fuck me!"...and our amazement that so many people did felching (felched?) that there was a name for it. I remember the roof was bourbons, the walls were pink wafers on the inside (like plasterboard) , the bricks could be shortbread fingers, or possibly garibaldis for pebbledash effect, window frames were chocolate fingers, we need to find a role for wagon wheels, a patio possibly...?

Lock stock and biscuit barrel

From: Lorne
Date: 22 Sep 2006
Time: 11:45:40 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Sorry for my tardy appearance on the forum today, I am running late, the reasons for which I will be shortly posting on the website. The house of biscuits did have all the components you described and it was thought up whilst driving through Maentrwog. I really should go up there soon, whenever you can make it. x

Re: Lock stock and biscuit barrel

From: Justine
Date: 22 Sep 2006
Time: 14:29:41 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Right I am back for half an hour so you can update me on the reasons for your tardiness - out buying the Prison Break boxset and a crate of wine for an orgy of Windy Miller in Dan's absence? xx

Re: Lock stock and biscuit barrel 

From: Lorne
Date: 22 Sep 2006
Time: 14:53:22 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

No need to go out and buy the box set, already have 'em! The orgy of Windy Miller and wine started last night, I was barely able to drag myself from the DVD to the Sopranos! I have just had one of those days when everything goes tits up. For instance, on the day i find out they no longer make sofa covers for my sofa i get red wine all over it, try to get it out with white wine, then stain remover, then fairy liquid and enbd up putting it in the wash with vanish. On the same day that I found a set of instructions for the sofa covers on how to clean them, "Hmm, that's useful" then I don't even look at them when I need them about 2 hours later! And this morning I put my make up on and it was so bad I ahd to wash it all off and start again. I bought a raincoast from Next last night and looked at it in the cold light of of day this morning and the first thing that came to mind was my nan! So that went back this morning as well! Then I got to moms and she wasn't very well and needed me to do some shopping for her - even though my sister has the day off on fridays.

Never mind, wentoworth is waiting for me back home! x

What are the chances...more than likely

From: Mrs Mia Wallace
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 08:59:08 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Good morning, guess whose mail I got this morning? The Widow Twankey's holiday reservation is in my bag as I type, off to Taba apparently, wherever that is. had a fantastic weekend, a really good time which I shall detail when I have a few spare minutes. Thanks for having Chelsea for me. The other news of the week is that Mrs "I might go down the wine bar" was married to the drummer in Uriah Heap!! Also do you fancy next Saturday night out/in if you are free? xx

Think I'm having a nervous breakdown

From: Nicole Kidman
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 10:59:43 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Well, I am glad you enjoyed it, poor old Chelsea is probably suffering from a Prison Break overdose. Either that or withdrawal symptons now she is back in a Windy Miller free zone. I shall have to check about Saturday, Friday would be my best day - for more than one reason, but Dan's not back until tonight and I will check he has no plans - it'll be a first if he has. He is going on a leaving do from Salop design on friday, hence the need for me to make a sharp exit from the house, I can't cope with him when he's that pissed - and he will be -he does my head in. I have measured your pipes, 18mm copper pipe and a tap connector that needs to go onto a 20mm thread. I shall have to consult about tap connectors, they aren't compression fittings (I don't think) and therefore we may be better off with a push on plastic fitting, one that can be used with a copper pipe. xx

Re: Tap dancing

From: Justine
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 12:31:02 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

E had her mate down Saturday morning and we went for a lovely walk, and ended up staying out longer than I meant to so we got back and I was getting Eleanor ready for her panto, and was going to drop Amy off with her mum and dad at the Tontine as they were in the pub for a change. Of course I forgot it was World Heritage Day in the Bridge and the traffic was at a standstill, so I did a three point turn on Madely Hill and tried another route but that was also chocka so I went to her nan's on Woodiside but they were out, so ended up racing to Stirchley and dropping off E, then up to the shops to get a frame for the pic I got K for his birthday then back to the Bridge for another go at dropping Amy off by which time it was 3.45 and K was coming at 4 so I had to text him and delay and have a bath and pack and get ready before he arrived, by which point i was so hassled I almost forgot my thyroid pills as well. All worth it in the end, newly refurbed room on the ground floor, double bed instead of a twin, breakfast included and all for 65 for both of us. There was a wedding on so we sat out til sunsetm, had a bath, then dinner in the restaurant, by which time we were quite loud and giggly, then into the bar which was rammed with blokes watching the golf and we sat taking the piss out of the wedding guests and winding the bar staff up because the first time we went to the bar we got a large rose, the second time they said, we don't sell rose in large (god knows why) so every time after that we kept going up and ordering a large and making them go through the fact they don't sell large glasses of rose. Some chancer mistook K for someone with a few quid and was giving him the hard sell trying to get him to invest in his company, all very amusing and rolled into bed about half two, awoke to a massive thunderstorm which cleared and left a beautiful day so we headed off to Haughmond Abbey which was lovely, just a really nice relaxing weekend, would definitely go again, and maybe K can play golf this time! x

Tell me about it

From: Mrs Lovelace
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 12:42:37 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Tell me and chelsea about that thunderstorm ,she was crawling all over me and drooling on the bed, which was shaking so much from her violent shaking! Add this to the fact that I had to clean up dog vomit in the early afternoon and then clean Chelsea's ass in the evening - just got to her in time before she jumped on the sofa - and my weekend has put me off dogs!! x

Re: Tell me about it

From: Barbara Woodhouse
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 12:47:57 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

I did wonder if it was thundering where you were, wonder why she was sick, most unusual for her, explains why she has not stopped eating since she got home. I normally just shut her out the back if it is thundering and put a towel down to catch the dribble. Poor old thing. I will get James to have her in future, or put her in the kennels. It would be nice to have a day in London but I am saving my holidays to incorporate Paris and some of half term and Christmas and don't seem able at the moment to build up any flexi time xx

Re: Tell me about it

From: Lorne
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 12:53:16 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

It wasn't chelsea who was sick, it was Griff! I don't mind having her it was just that everything happened all in one day, with both dogs! I should have put her in the kitchen with the washing machine, it was on spin and she would probably have missed some of the thunder. She seemed happy enough with the odd snack and a very long kip on the sofa on saturday night, I fell asleep in front of the TV and dragged us up to bed at 2.30 when I woke up!. x

Mr Loverman - Taba

From:
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 13:03:58 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Apparently Taba is in Egypt where they are quite fond of attacking tourists, well we can only hope eh? The question is, paperwork in the bin or in the post? xx

Windy Miller

From: Chippy Minton
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 13:05:47 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Do you know what i love about that picture of Windy is the fact the picture and the caption match so perfectly, makes me laugh every time xx

Windy Miller as well

From: Home made cider
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 13:32:28 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

I love that picture as well, it was that pose that made me remember the victoria wood quote about living in a converted windmill. I have discovered that Windy Miller made homemade cider - another productive day for me then ! x

Re: Windy Miller as well

From: Suerita
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 14:04:41 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

I see the bateau has made an appearance, we should definitely do that again see if it's the same bloke. I am running out of steam now, want to go home and get on with the cleaning and have a cuppa in the sunshine xx

Not Bato but the Sue Rita

From: Floats my batobus
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 14:36:25 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

It's not the batobus but the one and only Suerita, from the Thames. Do you remember when you pointed it out and I said it was named after his daughter Sue and his wife Rita, and you then said that i had shattered your illusions of it being a vaguely Spanish name. xx

Re: Not Bato but the Sue Rita

From: Tara
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 14:47:40 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Sorry, yes i clocked it was the Suerita, a name full of mysterious Spanish promise, and as you noted named after female relatives. That is my favourite with houses when they are named after the husband and wife who live there, like Davelsie, says she who lives in a house called Tara. Yours and Windy's house could be Lorneworth, or Wentlorne. That Taba with Jabba page is brilliant too, where do you get the pics? xx

Pictures

From: the Lorneworth residence
Date: 25 Sep 2006
Time: 14:53:55 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

I just type in a name to google and click on images, and there they all are, although for Wentworth I had to limit myself to prison break sites, I couldn't type his name in, I would be here all day and night looking at them! Now Jabba the hut, that's a different matter! Couldn't get a difinitive Widow Twanky though so she ended up just as babe on board! x

From: Moody
Date: 27 Sep 2006
Time: 11:18:05 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

There is nothing like a stroll down Oxford Street to make you feel like the biggest ugliest unfashionable old hag that ever walked the earth. x

Re: Moose

From: Loose aroond this hoose
Date: 27 Sep 2006
Time: 11:22:44 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

That's because we live in the country, anyway do you really want to be wearing the crap they are sporting at the moment, short trousers and ankle boots, leggings (FFS!!!) and a big long jumper, a tulip coat (whatever that is) and a nice polo neck under your summer frock necause layering is apprently in. Give me a break, all that lot and then gold accessories xx

Re: Rutger Hauer

From: Justine
Date: 27 Sep 2006
Time: 11:24:12 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

He's a very serious boy that Windy, I shall have to see if I can find a pic of him laughing xx

Serious

From: Lorne
Date: 27 Sep 2006
Time: 11:28:12 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne
He has a lovely smile does that Windy but I can't be too distracted at work - I get little enough done as it is! x

Re: Serious

From: Justine
Date: 27 Sep 2006
Time: 11:46:40 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

So why the bad mood then? Just London, or work, or what? At least you have Friday to look forward too xx

Why the long face?

From: Red Rum
Date: 27 Sep 2006
Time: 11:58:05 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

I would say, to put it in a nutshell - everything is up at the moment. Or most things anyway. Today, especially, is news via the physio (who called whilst I was driving and demanded that I pulled over before he spoke to me) about my brain scan. (I was saying to Dan last night that it will show up a large Prison Break area of the frontal lobe growing exponentially!) This consultant - Mr Roberts - has now changed his mind and is not sending me a brain scan because he wants me to see the metabollocks consultant first. Why? Why? Why? FFS!!! I told him that I wasn't going to waste any more time seeing so called waste of time consultants and if I had anything wrong with my metabolism I would be so friggin amazed I would probably drop down dead at the shock. So if Roberts won't refer me for a brain scan then he can go fuck himself and I will go to my GP and demand one. I also told him I had other reasons for wanting one, reasons that I haven't bothered Roberts with because he doesn't listen to me anyway, let alone confuse the issue even more. I had a visual disturbance in London yesterday, and have had others before but not many, and with the increase in weird feelings in my limbs and the tiredness after a relatively light evening meal (which comes in waves) I wanted a brian scan to just put my mind at ease if nothing else. And if he won't give me it I shall fucking pay for one!!!x

Metabollox

From: Dr Dolittle
Date: 27 Sep 2006
Time: 12:08:32 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

What are they playing at? The visual disturbance thing must be a slightly worrying new development though I had a similiar thing bought on by working under artificial light, when I kept seeing figures out of the corner of my eye...or maybe that was the dead people.... xx p.s love those pigeons 

Knitting Patterns

From: Nice jumper
Date: 27 Sep 2006
Time: 12:31:49 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Windy could make anything look good, yes, even that nasty knitwear. It was this kind of remark during PB ("isn't that a nice tie/suit/shirt/prison outfit" ) that cottoned dan on to my mega crush and then I had to confess my true feelings for him! I am so pissed off that again I was not informed about the change in my planned treatment that I am almost speechless with sheer frustration and depression. I had a very strange almost pixlelated effect in my vision yesterday for about 10 minutes which only went away after I had been concentrating on driving for a while. I have had flashes of light, almost like spots a couple of times of late and get tunnel vision sometimes but they don't last for long. For all I know it could migrain related, sometimes this is how they manifest themselves but I would like this scan done to put the whole thing to bed.

Talking of beds, where are my pictures of windy...xx

Re: Knitting Patterns

From: Doctor Frankenstein
Date: 27 Sep 2006
Time: 13:11:07 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

There would be some pain associated with distorted vision if it was a migraine, or migraine related. It is more likely to be stress related or working in poor light, unpleasant all the same,and as you say when you are expecting one type of treatement and then they change their minds it must be incredibly frustrating. Does make you wonder what the hell is wrong with you, although you could go down the alternative therapy route, my sister sees the chiropracter who has told her that the crown prince's manic beahviour may be down to misaligned skull bones! Oh really, and not to do with the fact thta the kid practically snorts sweeties from the moment he gets to my mums til he leaves, if she cleaned the sweetie cupboard out I reckon we would see a dramatic improvement all round xx

SUNSHINE

From: Little Miss Sunshine
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 11:13:28 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Do you remember when you went to Boston and were terrorising that cat? Just reminded me of it when I saw a place called the Sunshine Cattery xx

Pine

From: Lorne
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 11:17:01 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Don't give me pine, I know the real reason! I shall get ready for eight and await your signal for any change of plans.

I saw a man that looked like Hitler today, even had a moustache.

Dan had his hair done again last night, he reckons it's costing him a fortune, I have told him to write to Windy and request financial assistance. x

Re: SUNSHINE

From: The Cat Worrier
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 11:19:02 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Ah yes, Sunshine. I do remember Sunshine, I remember thrusting that broom handle under the sofa in Carol's Boston flat trying to get the little shit to come out. I took a real disliking to that critter. Looked so depressed and yet had that name. I shall have to look for a picture x

Re: Pine

From: Miss Lonelyhearts
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 11:23:07 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

I do pine! it's tragic but true, I really miss him if I don't see him every day, don't ask me why. He got the right hump last night because mrs wine bar made a crack at half nine that wasn't it time for him to be getting over to my house, so feel free to give her a good wind up tonight, especially as she is nehind the bar!

That Ange

From: Soo
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 11:41:10 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Why does she feel the need have to have a crack at Kev for wanting to come over to see you? What's all that about? I had a great time winding up Dave yesterday in the factory. It went something like this...

L: Got any gloves Doug? Small ones
Doug: Only those green ones Dave uses, they're the smallest ones.
L: Dave's got the smallest hands then?
Doug: Ahhh, he's got hands like a woman [Lorne puts on gloves - they're huge. Doug moves back into his rack building room. Lorne heads over to Dave]
L: Dave, Doug says you've women's hands [waves fingers at him wearing her gloves]
Dave: HE WHAT?!!
L: He says you've got women's ands because you wear these green gloves.
Dave [shouts]: At least I don't dye my hair.
L: I don't think he can hear you Dave [checking for Doug's reaction]
Dave [really shouts]: I SAID AT LEAST I DON'T DYE MY FUCKING HAIR [It all goes quiet whilst Dave realises he hardly has any hair anyway.]
Dave: AND I NEVER FUCKING DYED IT WHEN I HAD ANY NEITHER!

I turn away, my job done. Divide and conquer. x

Re: That Ange

From: Hobson
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 12:30:10 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

I love the JG conversations, talk about put the cat among the pigeons...and now my work here is done, spreading that special magic, can't wait for tonight! That cat is brilliant, it reminds me of fat fred the siamese I used to have, although reuben has a not dissimiliar pose when he is lying on the back of the settee as if in a bean bag. I am looking for a mary medallion for K on e bay, cheap as chips some of them though I am beind seduced by a bag of "ooh la la eiffel tower beads" xx

Tonight

From: Mary Medallion
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 12:44:11 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

So, where will I be spreading my special magic tonight? And will you be wearing your ooh la la beads - another classic for the Jewelfry section of the BC catalogue methinks. I love going into the factory and stirring it up, although Dave clearly doesn't like to thought of as feminine, I have long suspected Doug of being a closet homosexual. I remember when the lovely ex paratrooper came to fit the roller shutter door and I swear it was a toss up who liked him more, me or Doug! x

Re: Hit Parade

From: The beekeeper's apprentice
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 13:44:36 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Yeah old Claudia, made me sit through Once Upon a Time in the West one night gone midnight when it started. She is a good looking woman, though her acting is a little wooden. First and last western I am ever likely to watch. Now for the 5 least likely suspects. I will start with Roy "Chubby" Brown xx

Least likely

From: Fetch me a bucket
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 13:47:35 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

1. Roy "Chubby" Brown 2. John McCruirick (or however you spell it) 3. Dai 4. Simon Weston 5. ?

The Unusual Suspects

From: Monster
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 13:48:49 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Hmm, Chubby Brown, that's a good one. Any fat bloke really, Chris Moyles - can't stand that bastard. Who else, Eammon Holmes. x

It;s too hard

From: One man woman
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 13:53:37 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Due to my very narrow list of fanciable men I am findind this very difficult, but would like to add Fred off of Corrers. Yikes! x

Re: The Unusual Suspects

From: Pizza Face
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 14:04:11 -0000
Remote Name: Justine

Christ yes, Chris Moyles. Why Eamonn Holmes? Maybe Chris Tarrant? Chris Evans? Dean Gaffney has to be in there somewhere...

Toby jug models

From: Texas Penny
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 14:06:50 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

I have some more - Sven Goran Ericksson, Wayne Rooney, Victoria Woods' ex, that fat sweaty magician. Eammon Holmes is on for the blubber quotient. x

Blimey! 

From: Lorne
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 14:50:05 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

Refresh the whole site - I can't believe the photo I've put on the message posting page - why do people feel the need? ! xx

Reminds me of 

From: Lorne
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 14:52:12 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

That Sooty & Sweep photo reminds me of Kev and his mate Brian drinking in the Ball! Kev is sitting down and the orange bald Sooty is Brian!! Non intended!! x

Giggles

From: Lorne
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 14:58:51 -0000
Remote Name: Lorne

I have the giggles now, I don't know what it is about the picture but it's got me in stiches x

Re: Giggles

From: Justine
Date: 29 Sep 2006
Time: 15:04:59 -0000
Remote Name: Justine
 

Just brilliant!!!! Love it, see you later xxx